Men, get ready. You are about to discover the secret that will revolutionize your relationships.
You are going to learn how to make the love of your life happy.
And it isn't as expensive and complicated as you may think. The secret is known as the three "A's". Integrating these elements into your daily life will guarantee you an exciting, loving, and dynamic relationship. The three "A's" are attention, affection and appreciation. If you give your wife the attention she needs, the affection she longs for and the appreciation she deserves, then you are definitely going to make her happy.
Now, before we begin, I'm going to let you in on an open secret.
Men and Women are Different.
Now, I don't know if they really come from different planets or not, but they are definitely, undeniably different from each other. And one of the ways in which those differences come out is in the needs that each one has from a relationship.
Let's be honest. Who, really, understands relationships on a deeper level - men or women? For some reason, women seem to navigate relationships intuitively. We, on the other hand...need some tips.
So what can we do? How can we have a beautiful relationship with someone who takes relationships so seriously?
We need to invest some time into it. 24/7.
And if we do it well, then she is going to take all that we've put in, turn it around and give back so much more - which will make us happier than we ever dreamed we could be. That's the cycle around which relationships revolve.
That said, let's get moving.
The Three A's.
We'll start with appreciation.
In order to understand what a women needs in order to feel appreciated, let's listen in on a conversation between Jessica and her mom, and Scott and his dad.
"Hi, Mom, how are you?"
"Great, Jessica. How are you? How was Beth's wedding? Tell me everything!"
"Oh, Mom, it was beautiful. Beth's dress was stunning, like she stepped out of a fairy tale. Puffed sleeves, Belgian lace, real seawater pearls, and the fabric was the most gorgeous satin I've ever seen."
"What was her bouquet like?"
"All roses. Cream, white, light pink. And the centerpieces had the same roses, with candles."
"What did you wear?"
You get the picture.
Now we'll flash to Scott's conversation with his dad.
"Hi, Scott. How's it going?"
"Just fine. How was the wedding?"
"Glad to hear it. Love you, son. Take care."
"Love you too, Dad."
End of dialogue.
Why did it take Jessica longer to say hello to her mom than Scott's whole conversation with his dad? Because men and women are different. Women go into detail because they use words to connect on an emotional level. Men, on the other hand, use words in order to communicate information. That's why just saying hello and goodbye for a woman can take longer than an entire conversation for a man.
Understanding this is the key to appreciating your wife. If you really want to make her feel appreciated, then allow her to connect to you emotionally through those details. That's what she needs.
Now you understand why, when you ask her how work was today, she answers, "Oh, at the beginning it was great. I was walking down the street, looking at the sky and thinking that maybe..." She's connecting to you.
Be open enough to listen.
She'll feel that you appreciate who she is and what she thinks and feels. And if you want to throw in a bonus now and then, so when she asks you the same question, answer her by telling her how crowded the train was, and the coffeemaker was broken so you went down the street to Starbuck's and on the way you met an old college roommate - to you it may sound boring, but she's going to feel great that you're sharing the details of your day. Trust me.
Attention. Give your wife your undivided attention when she talks to you. What's undivided attention? That means assuming "the position." Put the paper down. Put the computer on standby. Turn off the TV ("off", not "mute"). Make eye contact.
Now, you may be thinking, that's not so hard. I can even fake it if I have to, right? Wrong! Remember what we said earlier about women and relationships? Her relationship-radar will tell her that you are spacing out even before you realize it.
So don't take chances. Put aside whatever you're doing, make eye contact and listen to her with your undivided attention. And if you're really too busy at the moment, then assume that position and say, "You know, honey, I really want to hear what you have to say, but I'm right in the middle of something and I can't drop it. As soon as I finish I'll be able to give you my undivided attention, okay?" Good job.
Affection. The number one tool for showing your spouse affection is to use "affectionate tones". What are affectionate tones, you ask? Using affectionate tones means always speaking in a way that conveys love and respect.
See, we men tend to divide the relationship into various components. Part of it includes affection, so then we'll speak in affectionate tones. Paying the bills? Business tones. Parenting? Parenting tones. Going out with friends? Social tones. But for women, everything in the relationship is a relationship. It doesn't matter what you're doing; for her, it's an opportunity to connect.
So if it's time for affection, use affectionate tones. Balancing the checkbook? Affectionate tones. Whatever you're doing, use affectionate tones.
Now, go find your soul mate. Start giving her the three A's. You'll be shocked at how immediate the results are, and how your relationship will be stronger and more loving than you ever thought it could be.
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