Get The Ring: How to Find & Keep the Right One for Life.
Tziporah Heller - Part 3
Far, far too much emphasis is put, in our society, on external appearance, which, as we all know, fades. There has to be attraction. Certainly people shouldnà¡rry someone to whom theyå ®ot attracted, at least peripherally, and certainly not to somebody for whom they feel any degree of repulsion whatsoever. But the fact is, nobody looks 25 forever. And the fact is that we love, ultimately, the person who we marry and not just their appearance. As we get to know someone who we love and admire, oftentimes weì ³ee that we love the way they look, the sparkle in their eye, the way they smile, even if in other regards they arenà´¨e person who we would have actually described as being Mr. or Miss Perfect.
If you know youå ¨eaded for Boston ità¥¡sy to get on the right bus. You just follow the signs in the bus station. But how do you go about finding a partner who shares your goals and your values?
The way dating works in todayà³¯ciety is very hit and miss. Imagine in the movie ï¶¥ Storyà¡®cient as it is, if they just didnà¨¡ppen to happen to be in Harvard library at the same moment. Would he have fallen in love with someone else? Go back to how your parents met each other. Odds are there were many coincidental factors. Is this what you want to put the most important decision in your life into? Do you want to count on coincidences? The divorce statistics are appalling, and certainly one of the things that marriage counselors will say is a very important factor, is lack of communication. Thereà¡ reason for lack of communication. The reason is that the people never saw each other as humans, but rather than letting their hearts and minds talk first, the desire to find someone attractive, which is only natural, spoke first. When you meet someone casually, all you know about them that first moment is how they look. You have no idea where the bus you have just gotten on is going.
Because of this, in traditional society, men and women would meet each other through a third person. The purpose of the third person wasnà´¯ force the match. The purpose of the third person was to sift. If a young woman, for instance, knows that the sort of man that she would admire and want to allege herself to would have to be an idealist, then she could tell this to the third person and thatà§¯ing to eliminate a lot of people who are on the very edge of decency. If the man knows that to him the most important quality in a woman is compassion, for instance, telling this to a third person is going to end all the possibilities of meeting people who are admirable, brilliant, sharp, but not compassionate. So if a person has any idea whatsoever of whatà¯st important to them, and they have the words with which they can convey it to a third person, then the odds are that theyå §oing to spend a lot less time on nonsense. Far less potential for a heartbreak.
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