What to Look for and Where

What do we look for? How do we know where to look? There’s a rule in common sense which is — Don’t get on the bus unless you know where it’s going. So imagine yourself at the bus station. There are two buses, one is shiny, three quarters empty, air-conditioned. Of course, it’s going to somewhere you’ve never heard of. And the other one is dirty, packed, but it says exactly the words that you needed to see in front — “Boston”. You’re not going to go to Poughkeepsie because the bus is air-conditioned.

You have to be able to ask yourself what kind of traits have attracted me to people in the past. What kind of people do I love and admire? What kind of people love and admire me? That’s what you’re looking for. The basic questions to ask is, do I like this person? Do I respect this person? This is especially true for women. Women far too often marry men who they like without questioning whether they respect the man in question.

Men and Women

For men and women, what they want most in marriage is different. Both men and women want love and respect. Men want respect and they also want love. Women want love and they also want respect. If a woman doesn’t respect the man who she’s about to marry, he won’t be happy. If he’s not happy, she won’t be happy either. She would have to be able to ask herself — Why do I respect him? What goals does he have? Do I believe in those goals? Why do I like him? Do I like him for qualities that will endure or do I like him for qualities that may not endure? Do I like him for what he has or do I like him for what he is? Men also have to ask these same questions. He has to ask himself — Do I honestly like this woman as a person? Do I like her? Do I feel like being with her? Do I enjoy her company? If I don’t love her, she won’t be happy. If she’s not happy, I won’t be happy. Do I care about her? Does she want what I want in life or will we be at each other’s throats? Does she respect my goals and do I respect hers?

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