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Get The Ring: How to Find & Keep the Right One for Life. Rabbi Lawrence Kelemen - Part 9 Okay. Now how do you figure that out? It's not very difficult actually. Whatever a person's core value is, you will find them sacrificing for on a daily basis. For instance, if someone's core value is making money, so if you follow them for 24, 48, 72 hours, you will see that they will make regular sacrifices for profit, to pull in a few more bucks. They'll stay up late, they'll miss out on time with friends, they'll do all sorts of things just to pull in that extra buck. If you hang out with them long enough you'll see them sacrifice for their core value. If a person's core value is goodness, then if you follow them for 24, 48, 72 hours, you should see them sacrifice for the sake of being kind to somebody else. The waitress got confused and she accidentally brought me the wrong dish for lunch and I don't want to embarrass her, so I don't say anything. I'll eat this dish. I'll sacrifice… I wanted the spaghetti, I got the tacos. But as long as my core value is goodness, you'll see me do things like this. You might see someone after work, 7 o'clock, 8 o'clock at night, go to volunteer and take care of some kids who aren't as fortunate as them; maybe they'll work in a soup kitchen. If you follow them you'll see that they let go of some of their own desires for the sake of taking care of others. So the first thing to look for is someone who is committed at the core to a higher set of values. That's the number one thing we look for in a spouse.
Characteristic Number Two – Treating OthersNumber two we alluded to before. The person who you want to marry should be a person who is going to take care of you, who is going to treat you nicely. And the easiest way to tell how they're going to treat you after they marry you, is to see right now how they treat others who they don't care about because they're not trying to charm. So again, the key is to spend time with this person and watch how they treat others that they don't know or don't care about. The telephone operator — do they say thank you? Are they courteous? Do they curse the telephone operator after they hang up the telephone? Again, are they an aggressive driver? Are they rude to the waitress? Do they tip? If they don't tip, that's a sign of stinginess. That's going to come out down the line. All these people who they're not trying to charm, how to do they treat them? Most people don't guard themselves so carefully that they would hide how they treat others, from you. Usually they'll hide how they're really going to treat you down the line, but they probably don't guard themselves so carefully that you can't tell how they now treat others, and then you'll be able to know how they're going to treat you after you get married.
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