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Get The Ring: How to Find & Keep the Right One for Life.
Lawrence Kelemen - Part 8



cannot tell you how many disasters I've been asked to come in and clean up in cases where the person was hesitant to get married and the parents or friends said it would all be okay, and they were wrong. It was not all going to be okay. And the pain that's caused 10, 15 or 20 years down the line is just beyond description. Therefore, you have to make the decision. Based on what should you make the decision? So, these Orthodox Jews, they have a lot of various criteria for how to pick a spouse, which I think I've boiled down to about four elements. And if we were to take their advice, it seems that if we could find somebody with these four elements, these four characteristics, then it's worth marrying them. Those characteristics are as follows:

Characteristic Number 1 – A Higher Commitment

The person should be fully committed to some objective moral and ethical standard. Within these Orthodox Jewish circles, they're fully committed to Jewish ethics. The worldview of the Torah, the ethics of the Torah, the lifestyle of the Torah. Now why is this so important? The reason is because at the center of every human personality there is this core value, the thing that is most important in the world to that person. And then there are a bunch of satellite values that rotate around that value.

Now if a person's core value, let's say, is adventure. What they most like in the world is adventure. It could be right now, this person seems like a very nice person. They're volunteering in a hospice, at a hospital. Why? Because for them this is adventure. It's an exciting thing. They get to help people in the last few moments of life. And to me it looks like they're really very kind. But the reality is they're not kind, they're just adventurous. And over time, if their core value is adventure, then the way that they pursue that core value or express it might change. They might stop working in the hospital, and they might try other expressions of adventure which I don't admire as much, in fact which might even be unpleasant or, in my mind, even unethical.

However, if the core of the person is a burning desire to do good, to live a good life, a righteous life, a life of caring, then everything else will rotate around that, and at least I know that for the rest of my life I'll be married to someone who will take care of me, who will take care of my children, who will be a good person. And of course, if you have to live with somebody for the rest of your life, that's what you want to know — that they're going to be a nice person to live with. So as they say in these Jewish circles, they say the person should be a ben Torah, meaning that the person should be fully committed to a life of Jewish ethics. So too I would recommend that all of us learn from their example and that we make certain that the person that we want to marry, at their core, is committed to goodness.



Kelemen 1 | Kelemen 2 | Kelemen 3 | Kelemen 4 | Kelemen 5 | Kelemen 6 | Kelemen 7 | Kelemen 8 | Kelemen 9 | Kelemen 10 | Kelemen 11 | Kelemen 12 | Kelemen 13 | Kelemen 14 | Kelemen 15 | Kelemen 16 | Kelemen 17 | Kelemen 18 | Kelemen 19 | Kelemen 20 | Kelemen 21 | Kelemen 22 | Kelemen 23 | Kelemen 24 | Kelemen 25 | Kelemen 26 | Kelemen 27 |
Rosie & Sherry 1 | Rosie & Sherry 2 | Rosie & Sherry 3 | Rosie & Sherry 4 | Rosie & Sherry 5 | Rosie & Sherry 6 | Rosie & Sherry 7 | Rosie & Sherry 8 | Rosie & Sherry 9 | Rosie & Sherry 10 | Rosie & Sherry 11 | Rosie & Sherry 12 | Rosie & Sherry 13 |
Rottman 1 | Rottman 2 | Rottman 3 | Rottman 4 | Rottman 5 | Rottman 6 | Rottman 7 | Rottman 8 | Rottman 9 | Rottman 10 | Rottman 11 | Rottman 12 | Rottman 13 | Rottman 14 | Rottman 15 | Rottman 16 |
D Heller 1 | D Heller 2 | D Heller 3 | D Heller 4 | D Heller 5 | D Heller 6 | D Heller 7 | D Heller 8 | D Heller 9 | D Heller 10 | D Heller 11 | D Heller 12 | D Heller 13 | D Heller 14 | D Heller 15 | D Heller 16 |
T Heller 1 | T Heller 2 | T Heller 3 | T Heller 4 | T Heller 5 | T Heller 6 | T Heller 7 |
Green 1 | Green 2 | Green 3 | Green 4 | Green 5 | Green 6 | Green 7 | Green 8 | Green 9 | Green 10

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