Get The Ring: How to Find & Keep the Right One for Life.
Lawrence Kelemen - Part 7
on the person you meet being similar to you in the most essential ways. Therefore, one thing that women must be very careful to do is to date for a more extended period of time. Not to date for a month or two months, generally, unless the person is coming from a very similar background, but to stretch it out to make sure that they get to know the person that they're planning on marrying. I don't have to give this advice to men because men are naturally hesitant anyways. They naturally wait a long time. But women seem to be more sensitive to the value of a relationship and therefore, they're more inclined to jump into a relationship a little bit too early. And therefore, it's very important for women to know that they need to get to know their potential spouse very well before they marry him.
Getting to Know Each OtherThere are some valuable techniques for getting to know your potential spouse. These are things that women can use and men as well. Look to see how the person you're dating treats those people that they're not trying to charm. Of course they treat you nicely; they're trying to charm you. But those people who they're not trying to charm, see how your date treats them. The waitress. Look how your date drives the car. It's a great way to get at people's character because when they get behind the wheel they let it all hang out. If you watch somebody driving and they're very aggressive on the road, realize that's really who they are. And at times in a relationship, that will come out. You have to be prepared for that. So women need to know who this man is before they marry him.
Another thing that both men and women need to know is that they're not looking for a perfect person to marry. Whoever you marry is going to have flaws, and the truth is, if you don't see their flaws you can't marry them, because it means you don't see the person for who they are, because every person has flaws. The question is — are these flaws that you can or should tolerate? If the person is physically abusive or emotionally abusive, this is not a person that you should be dating. But beyond that, everybody has flaws. And if you find that this person is also flawed, that doesn't mean that you shouldn't marry them.
People are so complex, and as you pointed out, everyone has flaws. What specific qualities do you suggest looking for in a spouse?
The Four CharacteristicsThis is absolutely the most personal decision that a person ever makes in their life. It's very important that other people don't get involved in pushing you to get married. They think the person is a terrific person for you to marry, but you're not sure… don't be pressured. That's very important. Not by parents, not by other relatives, not by friends. You have to live the rest of your life with this person. I
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