Get The Ring: How to Find & Keep the Right One for Life.
Lawrence Kelemen - Part 5
just unacceptable. I want a divorce. But as long as Number 3's get their thank you, then they'll continue to give. Now you realize, Number 3 is a tremendously high level. It's a very, very rare individual who actually is at Level 3.
Beyond Level 3 there are people who are at Level 2. Again, this is a continuum and I'm just marking arbitrary d?tentes along this continuum. At Level 2 the person is willing to take out the trash and do the dishes, and earn the money and take care of the kids. They're willing to do it all. And they don't even require a thank you. Their salary is even less. The salary that they require is — they want to see that the person who they're taking care of enjoys the services that are being provided. I worked two hours on dinner; I want to see that you enjoyed it. But if I worked two hours on dinner and I put it down in front of you… you don't have to say thank you… but if I put it down in front of you and you say — Yuk, this tastes terrible — and you push it off the table, then I'm not going to make you dinner any more. I don't want you to say thank you to me, but at least you should enjoy the things I give you. That's the salary that I require back at Level 2. The satisfaction of knowing that you enjoyed my services.
There is a level beyond Level 2. This is what these Orthodox Jews call a Divine Level, the level of God Himself. And at that level, I don't need you to do 50% of the work, and I don't need you to say thank you, and I don't even need to see that you enjoyed it. These Orthodox Jews, they believe that God showers people with kindness and very often, the people are completely disappointed with the kindnesses that God provides. They wanted something which was not good for them. They don't show a lot of satisfaction for the gifts that they received… if they noticed them at all. And yet, God continues to give and give and give. That's the highest level — I don't even need to see that you enjoy it when I provide it. And even if you reject the beautiful gifts that I give, I'll continue to give them forever. That's the ideal. That's not something that can be achieved, certainly in the first five or ten, or even twenty years of marriage. And it can only be achieved by someone who is working very, very, very hard on himself or herself for many years.
Now one very important point that I should just mention. You cannot fool yourself, pretend you're on a higher level than you are, and then marry someone who is, let's say emotionally abusive, or physically abusive, who doesn't provide for your needs. And let's be honest, all of us are going into marriage, probably as Level 4's. Some people go in as Level 5's, bank robbers. But most of us, let's say, are going in as Level 4's that are willing to do a 50/50 deal, and because of that it's very important that when we go to select a mate, that we select somebody who is nice to us, who does take care of us. Not because that's the goal but because if we're not realistic and we don't admit what we need, if we try to fake being on a higher level than we are, then it could crack. In fact it's likely that we would crack.
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