not as a distraction. And we've got to learn to take control of our schedules and not let our schedules control us, and schedule in times when we can become closer to others.

I'll give you a metaphor which illustrates this concept very nicely. If you have two surfaces that you want to make absolute, perfect and total contact. You want these surfaces to become like one. You have to make sure that there's no dust or dirt on the surface. You've got to remove all the dirt from the surface. And when the surfaces are surgically sterile, then when you put them together they will have total contact. The same is true about a man and a woman. It's important that there not be any dirt on the surface, so to speak. Distractions that can come between us. Because when those distractions exist it's very, very difficult to connect.

It's interesting, the word that these very traditional Jews use for the first step toward getting married, is kidushin. Kidushin, most people translate as "holiness". There is this stage of holiness that the couple enters into after which they complete the marriage and are actually married. What is this state of holiness? So their primary text, the Talmud, explains that this initial state that one goes into to get married is a state in which all other suitors, anyone else who the couple previously dated, is removed from the relationship. That is — I am no longer going to think about that other person. I'm only going to think about you. That's called kidushin or holiness. That's removing the dirt that could come between us. All the ex-boyfriends, all the ex-girlfriends. And the cellphones, and the scheduling problems. Anything that could come between us we move out of the way so that we can focus on each other.

When you put it that way it's actually a very reasonable thing to demand of ourselves. Self control in order to focus on what's really important. One area that you didn't elaborate on too much is the distinct difference between men and women. Some people even say that men and women are different breeds. How does that difference apply itself in the development of a successful marital relationship?

Men and Women