Get The Ring: How to Find & Keep the Right One for Life.
Lawrence Kelemen - Part 21
these things and I find out what is astounding about them, I may have to review them constantly so that I fall in awe.
When I first met my wife it was in a professional, academic environment. And because of the nature of the environment there was no room for any sort of romantic attachment. It was completely inappropriate. And we were together on an academic seminar. And during the entire period of the academic seminar, we related to each other as colleagues. Now I admit, I was very attracted to her. But for professional reasons, we had to relate as colleagues. When the seminar ended and I approached her to ask her if she wanted to date, wanted to go out with me, I had difficulty slipping out of this professional respect that I had developed during the period of the seminar. And when we first dated, we continued to date as colleagues, so to speak. Discussing our thoughts, our dreams, our values. The entire first week that I dated her, I did not hold her hand. And then the second week I also didn't touch her. For an entire month I dated this woman without ever having physical contact with her. Which was not typical of me or any of my other college friends. But because I had met this woman in this academic environment first, in this professional environment, that was the step that our relationship was launched on, it began with tremendous respect and I felt it would be, like, degrading to her if I made a pass, so to speak. What ended up happening was that throughout our dating, the physical aspects of the relationship were minimized. Intimacy was minimized. And all of the emphasis was put on falling in awe with each other. And then, when someone takes that path and they get married and the intimacy is added into the formula, it creates an explosion. Then the intimacy is far beyond the sort of experience that one could have if one launches right into the intimacy without first developing respect.
In our marriages, it's important that we keep asking ourselves, what is awesome about our partner. And that we review that information often. What we're aiming for then, is a deep intimacy founded on profound respect.
I can see how that can call for an ongoing investment in one another. Any other insights you can give us to ensure a successful marriage?
Dealing with DistractionsAnother important piece of advice. I don't know if there's ever been a generation that has been so challenged by distractions. For example, technology really gets in the way of many of the most intimate moments in life. It used to be in the old days, that a woman might have to fight the newspaper for her husband's attention. But today, men and women have to fight not only the television but the Internet for the attention of their spouse. Cell phones follow us every place, into the most intimate moments of our lives. If I were speaking with you and in the middle of our conversation somebody walked up and interrupted us and started
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