Get The Ring: How to Find & Keep the Right One for Life.
Dov Heller - Part 9
How do you deal with this issue? How do you approach it on a practical level? Well, you need to ask yourself the ultimate question, which is — What am living for? What do I ultimately stand for? Where am I ultimately headed in life? Now in this same point I think there are some important questions that you’d want to ask. One question would be is: What does this person stand for? Another question would be: What is this person’s passion? What are they really into? Are they into sports? Are they into work? Are they into growth? Are they into intellectual stimulation? You must know what this person is into. The person that you’re thinking of marrying, you must know what they’re ultimately passionate about. And then you have to ask yourself — Do I respect this passion? Do I respect what they’re into? These are the important questions that I suggested in the beginning, that you have to ask.
A principle here that I’d like to share with you is… and this is something that, again, doesn’t sound intuitively correct at first glance. It is as follows: The more specifically you define yourself, the more specifically you define your values, the more specifically you define your lifestyle, the better chance you have of finding your life partner and your soul mate. Because the more you define yourself, the more you attract the type of person who is really compatible with you. People make a mistake, and they think — Well, you know, I’m not going to become too religious. I’m not going to become too observant, because I want to keep myself open, I want to keep my market broad. If I become too religious then I’m not going to be able to find anybody. I know many, many, many people, men and women… and interestingly, a lot of older women… older, excuse me for saying this, in the 30 and 40 age range, who have become more religious, who have taken on commitments such as the observance of Shabbat. And you can imagine immediately how small their market has become in terms of available men. Nonetheless, many, many, many of these women tend to get married and find somebody. Now this is not a scientific study and I am certainly not trying to suggest that it’s any sort of a guarantee. It is anecdotal to my experience. But it seems to be based on a true principle, that the more specifically you define who you are and what you stand for, the better chance you have of finding truly someone who is compatible with you in the deepest way. In other words, you have to know where you’re going before you can decide who’s coming along with you on the trip. It makes sense.
Reason Number Five – Sexual Involvement
Okay. The fifth reason why people marry the wrong person, is that they get involved sexually too quickly. Now again, in our society, people have quite lax approaches to sexual activity and I’m not approaching this from a religious point
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