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Get The Ring: How to Find & Keep the Right One for Life. Rabbi Heller - Part 2 fire, but character keeps it burning. An important principle is, and it’s counter-intuitive, and certainly not very politically correct in most people’s opinions, but I think it’s very, very true. It’s: never get married because you’re in love. Yes. I’ll repeat that again, and listen closely. Never get married because you’re in love. If you hear somebody say that they’re thinking of getting married, and you ask them why they’re getting married, most of the time the response that they’ll give is — Well we’re in love. If you hear a friend say that, start screaming — Stop, stop, don’t do it! Now why do I say this? Because for most people, when they say they’re in love, what they mean is they’re infatuated, or they’re in lust, as we like to say. You need much more to make a decision to marry somebody other than being in love. Love can never be the reason for getting married, and through our presentation today I hope that you’ll have a much clearer understanding of what would be the more important things to look for than just being in love.
Four Character Traits to Look ForSo let me clarify what I mean by looking for character. When I mean looking for character, I mean really looking at the character, the quality of the person’s character. A lot of people say — Oh, you know, he’s such a nice guy. Oh yeah, he’s good person. That’s not okay. You have to really look into the quality of the person and the way you do that is you have to be very focused on specific character traits. So I’m going to give you four character traits that I think are really important ones. And you really should evaluate someone on the basis of whether they have good character traits.
HumilitySo the first one I think is probably the most important, although many people may not put it as number one, is humility. Now the question to ask here is not whether they’re humble, but at least make sure you don’t make the mistake of marrying someone who is devoid of this particular character trait. In other words, ask yourself if this person is arrogant. You certainly don’t want to marry an arrogant person. So is this person humble? What does it mean to be humble? So humble people are definitely confidant people. Inner strength is the basis of humility. A humble person wants to do the “right thing” rather than “my thing”. They put their values, they put principles above convenience and personal comfort. They want to do the right thing. Somebody who is humble is somebody who accepts criticism. They’re not defensive. They’re committed to personal growth, they’re committed to change. They’re willing to receive feedback and work on their weaknesses. Somebody who is into personal growth and not somebody who is into comfort. Humble people are slow to anger and they’re modest, and they tend not to be materialistic.Humility is a very, very powerful character trait to possess. |
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