So when you ask these four questions, you must get answers. And I think the answers must be — Yes! If you come up with an answer, if you ask these four questions and your answer to yourself is — I’m not sure, or I don’t know, then make sure you keep evaluating it and analyzing the questions and your feelings until you understand what you really feel. Ultimately you must be sure that the answer is absolutely yes. Yes, I respect and admire this person. Yes, I trust this person. Yes, I feel safe with this person. Yes, I feel calm and at peace with this person. I believe that if people would have checked themselves out in this deeper emotional way, that they would avoid making the types of serious mistakes that they make when they choose a life partner. And here’s a principle that goes along with this point. How you feel when you’re dating a person is how you’re going to feel when you’re married to this person. If you don’t feel safe now while you’re dating the person, you probably won’t feel safe when you’re married to them. If you don’t feel you can trust them now, then you’re not going to feel trust when you’re married to them. How you feel when you’re dating is how you’re going to feel when you’re married. So yes, I’m going to sound like your typical psychotherapist, but please, I mean it in all seriousness, be in touch with your feelings. You must know what you feel about the person. Again, that doesn’t mean the chemistry and the buzz. Those are not the types of feelings that I’m talking about. You must ask yourself the questions that I suggested to get in touch with the deeper feelings that you have about the person.

The theme that I sense keeps coming through is the importance of genuinely being in touch with what we ourselves are looking for, and objectively analyzing whether our potential partner fits into that picture. What else should we be alert to in this budding relationship?

Reason Number Seven – Emotional Anxiety

The seventh reason why people marry the wrong person is that they tend to choose someone with whom they don’t feel emotionally safe. Feeling emotionally safe is, again, a foundation of any healthy and solid relationship in psychological terms. A person who doesn’t feel safe with another person is someone who feels that they can’t express their feelings and their opinions. A colleague of mine gave me a great definition of an abusive relationship. An abusive relationship… and I might add that an abusive relationship would be the appropriate way of talking about not feeling safe… an abusive relationship is one in which one person feels afraid to express their feelings and opinions. If you’re with someone and you feel you always have to monitor what you say, if you’re with someone and you feel you can’t really express yourself, if you’re with someone and you feel you’re