Get The Ring: How to Find & Keep the Right One for Life.
Dov Heller - Part 11
have to evaluate how deep the connection is on an emotional level. Now infatuation is not a feeling. Feeling connected in terms of chemistry; feeling deep passion because of the chemistry and the connection that you have for the person; that’s not what I’m talking about in terms of deep emotional feelings. Please, please, please don’t confuse infatuation with deep feelings. I can’t overemphasize that enough.
Exploring the ConnectionSo how do you know if you have a connection with a person in a deeper emotional way? Here are four questions you can ask yourself to evaluate whether you have this connection in a deeper way with a person. One of those question is not — Do I love this person? Asking the question — Do I love this person? will not help you to tune into deeper feelings that you might have for the person. Do I love this person, again will only give you an answer about a level of infatuation and perhaps a degree of chemistry that you have, but it will not lead you to be able to understand whether you have a deeper emotional connection.
So here are four questions that I think do help you to evaluate whether you have a deeper emotional connection. The first is — Do I respect and admire this person? Now this does not mean — Am I impressed with the person? Being impressed means, I’m impressed with her car, I’m impressed with her job, I’m impressed with the way they look. Being impressed is not respect, and please don’t confuse the two. So you must ask this question — Do I respect and do I admire this person? And then ask yourself specifically, what specifically do I respect and admire about this person. Respect and admiration are the fundamental emotional connection that we have with another person. Someone we’re thinking… you must have respect and admiration.
The second question you must ask is — Do I trust this person? That again will put you in touch with a deeper emotion, a deeper feeling. Do I trust this person? Another way to ask this is — Can I rely on them? Do I feel I can rely on them? Do I trust their judgment? Do I trust their word? Can I believe what they say?
The third question to ask is — Do I feel safe? Do I feel emotionally safe with this person? That means, can I be vulnerable? Can I be myself? Can I be open? Can I express myself? We’ll talk about this more in point seven.
And the fourth question you can ask is — Do I feel calm and at peace with this person? That will also help you to get down to evaluating the deeper level of the emotional connection. Do I feel calm and peace? Now I think we all have a good friend, a good friend that when we’re with that person they do give us a sense of calm and peacefulness. Certainly with your spouse you want to have the same feelings.
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